4.25.2013

Self image and esteem

Many people have body identity disorders.  I knew it always existed --like the dust on the fridge coils-- but like everyone else -- I have ignored it.  That is both the case with myself and others.  I really thought it was a personal mountain to climb all of these years.  Lately, I have been doing some research on different body image disorders and have come to the conclusion that it is rampant not only in America, but other countries as well.  It is not just a female problem.  For generations, people have had a gross misunderstanding of what they 'should' look like and how they feel about the bodies that they do inhabit.  I am going to share a story with you from my child hood.  It is painful and it left a large scar not only on my heart but on the opening where I allow women to enter in as friends.

In the second grade, I was invited to a birthday party at a classmates' home in the 'rich' area of town.  There were several kids there and I thought I was having a wonderful time.  (I was utterly oblivious at this age.). At the end of the day, the mother of the birthday girl noticed that I was very interested in the food they had at the party.  (My family did not buy luxury items and I went crazy.). She send me packing with a crapload of sweets, thinking she was helping me out.  She was a very sweet woman.
In the back of the truck we were all in to head back to our respective cars- a horrible incident occurred.  All of these 7 and 8 year olds started chanting about me becoming fat.  This was because I had a care package of food in my tiny little hands.  ( mind you, I was 8 and might have weighed 60 pounds)
I started crying like a crazy person.  I felt so betrayed and ostracized in those few moments.  I have had problems ever since then with knowing what is appropriate to eat in front of others.  At this point, I have gotten over it, but my teen years were riddled with all of their voices chanting in my head every time the scale would go up a pound.
There was one girl in the truck that made them stop.  I plan to thank her for that when I see her in the future. I always wanted to thank her for that kindness, but I never wanted to bring it up.

Please teach your children to be kind.  The best way to do this is to show them through your interactions with others.  Hungry people are not always obese people.  Also, bigger bodies do not always eat 'too much' -- we are all different.  We also all deserve love.


I still have a problem with cookies.  I eat them, however.  

4.15.2013

For Boston


ॐ भूर्भुवः॒ स्वः ।
तत्स॑वितुर्वरे॑ण्यं ।
भ॒र्गो॑ दे॒वस्य॑ धीमहि। ।
धियो॒ यो नः॑ प्रचो॒दया॑त्॥ 


Oṃ bhūr bhuvaḥ svaḥ
tát savitúr váreṇ(i)yaṃ
bhárgo devásya dhīmahi
dhíyo yó naḥ pracodáyāt


Om Shanti.  Please Shanti.  Come Shanti.  

    

Oṃ bhūr bhuvaḥ svaḥ
tát savitúr váreṇ(i)yaṃ
bhárgo devásya dhīmahi
dhíyo yó naḥ pracodáyāt

4.14.2013

BreaKing OpeN

I think we all go through periods of breaking open.  
I have had several of them so far in my life.  I am not one to believe in fate, but there seems to be a pattern here.  It goes from focus to non-focus, and the focused parts are the hardest.  When I am focused on myself and what I am doing, everything in the outside world slows to  crawl and my heart races so fast it sounds like a horse.  The last thirteen months have been a breaking point to rival and ante up my breaking open of 2002-2004.  It is a bad trip, a hangover.  You never quite know when it will end.
I have been through tears, anger, frustration and giving up.  
Over a year of tests, doctor's visits and begging people to take me to them.
Months of pleading with people to simply come over and ride with me in the car, so that I can drive a bit.
My ideas about what it means to be alone in this world -- truly alone -- have gelled in the past year. 
I am sure that all of these experiences are not going to be bad in hindsight.  I am sure it is all part of my process.  I am sure that I will wake up one day and get in my car and drive.
I am sure.

1.29.2013

Significance

What worth do you place on a thing?  Can you walk away from your furniture, cooking bowls and photos? What if someone gave you cash for all of your things in a lump sum? You could go anywhere -- start over.
What price would you accept for your life's cache?
Things to think about.

1.17.2013

Mirrors

Our lives are a path of mirrors.  Everyone we know and everything we own is a mirror of who we think we are.  The people we come in contact with provide varying degrees of reflections of who we are to them.  The things we surround ourselves with offer a small reflective window into our likes and dislikes.  
Why do we set ourselves up with a hall of mirrors?
The fear of annihilation of the self is so strong that we constantly search for and need re-authentication of who we are. One interesting shard to this mosaic: we are concerned mostly with how we appear to our external mirrors.  The reflections of these outer glasses imprint on our own vision, changing our perceptions regarding self-identification.  This loop of composition affirmation does not lag unless we seal ourselves off from the distortion of reflection.
In solitude, we are able to examine our own mirrors and ask who we really are.  There is nothing there in that moment to compare ourselves to.  No objects receiving our subjective perceptions.  When the outer echoes are taken away, the house of the ego begins to crumble.  Real pain sets in the closer we get to real silence.  The fear of no-self sets fire to the resolve of self-inquiry and we burn until we finally let go of the last mirror - our own - and surrender to the Universe. Only then will the ubiquitous malady of human life dissipate with stillness.

1.16.2013

FaceBook

I do have a Facebook page for my little Yoga Den studio.

8 Folded Limbs

Please like it if you have an account.

1.11.2013

Birthdays

Tomorrow is my birthday.  It does not mean as much to me now as it did years ago, but I treat it like my new year.  Most people make resolutions and take stock on 12-31, but I do it on January 12th every year.  For me, my birthday marks the time I began to breathe.  From that time, I have been able to create my life to a certain extent.  In the last few years, I have had more latitude in the menu of my life. Choosing to work for myself as a teacher has put a significant strain on my finances.  The ability to help people search for what they are looking for is worth it to me.  You cannot buy soul fire.  You can help magnify it in someone else with your own.  That is what I want for my life.  To use my light as a catalyst for sparks in others.  I want to set the world on fire from the inside-out.  Where there is hatred -- let me sow love.  So may it ever be.
Namaste