The past can punch you when you least expect it

Some blue days can turn into blue months and blue years.
That can be all right. 
As long as you can see that colors can change.
People change. People grow and bend and sometimes they break.
You can only heal yourself, though.
You can love someone deeply and truly and madly and they will never change.
I think the trick is to love yourself that way.
You will change.
Mourn the loss of your former self and move on.



Everything you have done in your life has gotten you to where you are in this moment.
Some moments are better than others. I am not sure if I believe in fate because of the buildup of consequence. How can fate play a role when you lay the plans out yourself?


Blue Days

Depression is real. It's nasty and I do not like it.
It is - however- part of my journey as is anxiety.
I am not 'bipolar'.
I am not a 'major depressive'.
I do still have episodes of panic and my troubles with 
Orienteering have gotten worse.
'They' have no idea what I am.
I know that Yoga saved my life. If I had not 
Pushed through and gotten my certification -- 
I may have given up on what it had to offer.
Every day I am reminded of what I can do to try
To help others with their struggles.
One of my hopes is that I can understand what
Some people go through.
These struggles of life are not isolated.
I do not think I would be the teacher I am now if
It were not for the struggles endured along
The way.


Doing something

If someone needs something- give it to them if you can spare it. 
I am tired of only hearing folks saying, 'I'll pray for you".
Sure. Pray. Also:DO SOMETHING. 
At some point in your life --  you may need actual help as well.
Give the world your talents. I sincerely believe that is the kiln they are fired in.


Round and round

can someone explain to me when life becomes predictable?
Every day becomes so much similar to the preceding day that the only
Separation is madness.


I am accepting students for August.  I still work on a sliding scale, so that my rates are affordable within personal attention guidelines.

I have decided over the past two years that privates are the best solution I can offer.  


Self image and esteem

Many people have body identity disorders.  I knew it always existed --like the dust on the fridge coils-- but like everyone else -- I have ignored it.  That is both the case with myself and others.  I really thought it was a personal mountain to climb all of these years.  Lately, I have been doing some research on different body image disorders and have come to the conclusion that it is rampant not only in America, but other countries as well.  It is not just a female problem.  For generations, people have had a gross misunderstanding of what they 'should' look like and how they feel about the bodies that they do inhabit.  I am going to share a story with you from my child hood.  It is painful and it left a large scar not only on my heart but on the opening where I allow women to enter in as friends.

In the second grade, I was invited to a birthday party at a classmates' home in the 'rich' area of town.  There were several kids there and I thought I was having a wonderful time.  (I was utterly oblivious at this age.). At the end of the day, the mother of the birthday girl noticed that I was very interested in the food they had at the party.  (My family did not buy luxury items and I went crazy.). She send me packing with a crapload of sweets, thinking she was helping me out.  She was a very sweet woman.
In the back of the truck we were all in to head back to our respective cars- a horrible incident occurred.  All of these 7 and 8 year olds started chanting about me becoming fat.  This was because I had a care package of food in my tiny little hands.  ( mind you, I was 8 and might have weighed 60 pounds)
I started crying like a crazy person.  I felt so betrayed and ostracized in those few moments.  I have had problems ever since then with knowing what is appropriate to eat in front of others.  At this point, I have gotten over it, but my teen years were riddled with all of their voices chanting in my head every time the scale would go up a pound.
There was one girl in the truck that made them stop.  I plan to thank her for that when I see her in the future. I always wanted to thank her for that kindness, but I never wanted to bring it up.

Please teach your children to be kind.  The best way to do this is to show them through your interactions with others.  Hungry people are not always obese people.  Also, bigger bodies do not always eat 'too much' -- we are all different.  We also all deserve love.

I still have a problem with cookies.  I eat them, however.